Growing up, I was a Black girl, but I often felt like I didn’t quite fit into society’s expectations associated with that label. My interests in cartoons, books, and video games set me apart from what others expected. However, these forms of media provided me with both comfort and a means to explore and understand my identity, mainly since my parents rarely talked about my cultural background beyond the skin color I inherited. It wasn’t until middle school that I learned about my mother’s Trinidadian heritage, and I discovered my father’s Panamanian heritage only at the end of high school.
Media helped me understand many things my parents wouldn’t discuss. However, I couldn’t blame them; they were two immigrants who came to the United States at a young age and had to figure everything out on their own. While the media played a significant role in my upbringing, it was largely dominated by an overwhelming presence of whiteness. The TV shows and movies I watched primarily featured white characters. The books available in my school library typically focused on white protagonists or animals. The video games for sale often lacked representation of anyone who looked like me.
Representation of Black girls like me was mostly absent in the media.
Media representation extends far beyond race and gender. It also includes ethnicity, cultural background, sexual orientation, age, physical abilities, and mental health conditions. The media influences societal self-perception and perceptions of others, prompting discussions about representation across various platforms. There is an increasing demand for authentic and inclusive representation, especially in the video game industry, where discussions have arisen about portraying and integrating diverse characters and narratives into gaming experiences.
For instance, one key example of these discussions in video games is the representation of Black female protagonists. Discussing the representation of Black female protagonists in video games is vital in today’s gaming communities because Black female gamers are an overlooked demographic that deserves recognition and representation in the industry. Their voices and experiences must be acknowledged and celebrated, as they contribute to the gaming landscape that doesn’t adequately represent them.
Representation fosters a sense of belonging by allowing Black female gamers to see themselves authentically reflected in the games they play, which validates their identities and affirms their presence within the gaming world.
This sense of belonging helps counter the longstanding stigma that video games are exclusively for White cisgender males. This stereotype often marginalizes and excludes Black women from feeling accepted in gaming environments. By highlighting Black female protagonists, the gaming industry can better recognize the contributions and experiences of Black female gamers while challenging damaging stereotypes.
To comprehend the importance of Black female protagonists in video games, let’s delve into Black women’s demographics in the American gaming spaces. While there are limited specific statistics available on Black female gamers, the Entertainment Software Association (2024) reports that there are 190.6 million video game players in the United States, with 46% identifying as female. Furthermore, 12% of American gamers are Black or African American. These statistics show approximately 10.5 million Black female gamers, representing about 5.5% of the total gaming population in the United States. In comparison, the general Black female population in the United States is about 23,530,579, making up roughly 6.92% of the total US population (United States Census Bureau, 2024).
Black women are not well represented in gaming compared to their numbers in the general population. This lack of representation raises questions about inclusion in the gaming industry.
Black female gamers face barriers, such as not having relatable characters, targeted marketing that overlooks them, and stories that do not reflect their experiences. This situation indicates that gaming spaces may not be welcoming or inclusive for Black women, which could discourage them from taking part in a medium that should be for everyone.
The experiences of Black female gamers in gaming spaces are greatly shaped by the complexities of their intersecting identities as both Black individuals and women. This intersection of race and gender creates a distinct lived reality, requiring them to navigate environments where they are frequently underrepresented and marginalized. As Kimberlé Crenshaw (1989), an American civil rights advocate and a scholar of critical race theory, explained, intersectionality highlights how overlapping identities can lead to either discrimination or privilege, illustrating the multifaceted experiences of Black female gamers.
In gaming spaces, this intersectionality is evident through hostile interactions, such as racial and gender harassment, and the psychological impact of stereotype threat (Richard & Gray, 2018). TreaAndrea M. Russworm, PhD, professor of interactive media and games division at the University of Southern California, noted that “[a] history of white supremacy runs deep in the gaming industry, both past and present…[and] doesn’t value or even acknowledge Black women players” (Starks, 2023). The continued marginalization of Black female gamers results in their existence and contributions being overlooked.
Black female gamers frequently face negative experiences due to barriers tied to both their race and gender, a phenomenon often described as racialized misogyny. These challenges can create a profound sense of isolation, reminiscent of the exclusion many marginalized gamers feel in the gaming community (Richard & Gray, 2018). Isolation can negatively impact an individual’s mental health by fostering feelings of loneliness, which in turn increases the risk of anxiety and depression (Mann et al., 2022). Loneliness can lead to mental and physical health problems, like increased stress, higher inflammation, and negative thoughts. Over time, these issues can make loneliness feel even worse.
Many Black female gamers reported feeling isolated in gaming spaces due to not only a lack of representation and inclusivity but also the prevalence of racism and online harassment, particularly from men (Starks, 2023). Many female gamers, especially Black female gamers, have faced harassment from males who make racist, vulgar, or sexist comments on platforms like Twitch and YouTube. A 2023 report by the Anti-Defamation League (ADL) on hate and harassment in gaming reveals that the harassment rate for women is 8%, while for Black gamers, it stands at 50%. This report does not include specific research on the experiences of Black female gamers. However, the available data suggests that the unreported harassment rate they face could be even higher, potentially ranging from 55% to 70%.
Princess Zelda (The Legend of Zelda)
When analyzing mainstream AAA games and established franchises, it becomes clear that Black female characters are present in the gaming world, though they are rarely the main protagonists. A look at video game history reveals that female video game characters were often depicted in ways that reinforced traditional gender roles. For example, characters like Pauline in Donkey Kong and Princess Zelda in The Legend of Zelda were depicted as damsels in distress, needing rescue from male protagonists (Bashir, 2022). In the 1990s, the introduction of strong female video game protagonists, such as Lara Croft from Tomb Raider, marked a significant shift. However, while many people credit Lara Croft as the first female protagonist in video games, the true pioneer was Billie Sue, a farmer girl from the 1982 game Wabbit for the Atari 2600, which a Vietnamese woman created.
Wabbit’s Billie Sue character
Regarding Black characters, most of their earliest portrayals were as athletes in sports title video games, reinforcing the “Black Athlete Trope.” The first playable Black video game character was widely recognized as the athlete in Atari’s Basketball, which was released in 1979 and depicted in color (Edwards, 2009). However, there is ongoing debate about whether the character in Sega’s Heavyweight Champ, released in 1976, could also be considered the first Black playable video game character, due to the game’s ambiguous black-and-white graphics (Norwood, 2021). Historically, Black characters in video games were often reduced to merely being selectable options in fighting games or serving as secondary characters that supported their white counterparts, who were typically the main protagonists. It wasn’t until 1987 that the first Black male video game protagonist appeared in the lesser-known PC game Mandroid (NowThis Nerd, 2018).
Black female protagonist D’Arci Stern in Urban Chaos
The gaming world didn’t see its first Black female protagonist until 1999 with D’Arci Stern in Urban Chaos (DirecTV, 2022). Since then, a report from DiamondLobby shows that only 8.3% of the main characters in video games are women from non-white ethnic backgrounds (Lin, 2023). This statistic highlights the ongoing challenges of achieving diversity and inclusion in gaming. Black female protagonists are rare, even many years after D’Arci’s introduction. Several recent examples of Black female protagonists in gaming include Nilin Cartier-Wells from Remember Me, Clementine from Telltale’s The Walking Dead, and Alfre “Frey” Holland from Forspoken. However, despite these characters, the gaming industry still struggles to create authentic and well-developed Black female protagonists.
Frey Holland, protagonist of Forspoken
From the perspective of a Black woman in gaming, it is essential to address issues such as colorism, harmful stereotypes, and the portrayal of trauma concerning Black female protagonists to improve their representation, especially since there are about 10 million Black female gamers whose experiences are largely overlooked in current gaming representation (Entertainment Software Association, 2024). Improving representation is not about just ticking a diversity checkbox. It calls for an industry to reflect its diverse audience authentically. Elevating these voices not only combats harmful stereotypes but also enriches the gaming landscape with multifaceted characters who can inspire a broader range of players.
There needs to be greater visibility for dark-skinned Black women, rather than focusing solely on lighter-skinned or racially ambiguous Black women in lead roles. Black women should not be reduced to one-dimensional tropes such as the “Strong Black Woman” or “Sassy Black Woman.” Their narratives should not concentrate exclusively on trauma, pain, or oppression. Instead, Black female characters deserve to celebrate the joy, complexity, and positive experiences that come with their identities.
In conclusion, media representation impacts societal perceptions and individual self-identity. Representation matters, especially for the little black girl I once was who rarely saw herself reflected in the media she consumed growing up. She would often feel out of place, especially with the presence of whiteness in her interest in cartoons, books, and video games. She never really got to see herself as the hero of the story. That little black girl even felt alone and invisible.
Now as a Black woman and still a gamer, I recognize how vital authentic and multifaceted gaming representation is for Black female gamers. Representation is a powerful affirmation of their identities.
When Black female gamers see characters who they can resonate with—characters that go beyond harmful stereotypes, colorism, or narratives solely centered on trauma—it combats their feelings of isolation by reinforcing that their presence and perspective matter in the gaming community. It cultivates a sense of belonging in an industry where they have been historically underrepresented or misrepresented. Addressing the representation of Black female protagonists in gaming is not just a matter of diversity. It is about creating inclusive narratives that acknowledge Black female gamers. By doing so, the gaming industry can provide the representation that many Black female gamers, like my younger self, desperately need to see.
Ashlee Lawson-Kilpatrick
References:
Anti-Defamation League. (2023). Hate is No Game: Hate and Harassment in Online Games 2023.
Bashir, D. (2022, May 18). World’s First Female Video Game Protagonist Was Created by a Vietnamese Programmer. Retrieved from IGN Southeast Asia: https://sea.ign.com/wabbit/185503/news/worlds-first-female-video-game-protagonist-was-created-by-a-vietnamese-programmer
Crenshaw, K. (1989). Demarginalizing the Intersection of Race and Sex: A Black Feminist Critique of Antidiscrimination Doctrine, Feminist Theory and Antiracist Politics. University of Chicago Legal Forum, 1989(1), 139–167. Retrieved from https://chicagounbound.uchicago.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1052&context=uclf
DirecTV. (2022, February 28). The Evolution of Black Female Video Game Characters. Retrieved from DirecTV: https://www.directv.com/insider/black-history-month-the-evolution-of-black-women-in-video-games/#:~:text=It’s%20a%20somewhat%20distressing%20fact,deserved%20time%20in%20the%20spotlight.
Edwards, B. (2009, January 19). The First Black Video Game Character. Retrieved from Vintage Computing and Gaming: https://www.vintagecomputing.com/index.php/archives/536/the-first-black-video-game-character
Entertainment Software Association. (2024). 2024 Essential Facts About the U.S. Video Game Industry. Retrieved from Entertainment Software Association: https://www.theesa.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/Essential-Facts-2024-FINAL.pdf
Google. (2023, February). Google Global Insights Diversity Equity & Inclusion Report Feb 2023. Retrieved from https://games.withgoogle.com/: https://services.google.com/fh/files/misc/gamer_research_on_dei.pdf
Lin, B. (2023, February 22). Diversity in Gaming Report: An Analysis of Diversity in Video Game Characters. Retrieved from DiamondLobby: https://diamondlobby.com/geeky-stuff/diversity-in-gaming/#:~:text=Gender%20Diversity%20in%20Video%20Games,females%20of%20non%2Dwhite%20ethnicities.
Mann, F., Wang, J., Pearce, E., Ma, R., Schlief, M., Lloyd-Evans, B., . . . Johnson, S. (2022, May 18). Loneliness and the onset of new mental health problems in the general population. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, 57(11), pp. 2161-2178. doi:doi: 10.1007/s00127-022-02261-7
Nadal, K. (2021, December 27). Why Representation Matters and Why It’s Still Not Enough. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/psychology-the-people/202112/why-representation-matters-and-why-it-s-still-not-enough
Norwood, R. (2021, February 26). Coding Blackness: A History of Black Video Game Characters. Retrieved from WIRED: https://www.wired.com/story/black-character-history-video-games/
NowThis Nerd. (2018, February 8). The History of Black Video Game Characters | NowThis Nerd. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-xEABBIk_8&t=185s
Richard, G. T., & Gray, K. L. (2018, January). Gendered Play, Racialized Reality: Black Cyberfeminism, Inclusive Communities of Practice and the Intersections of Learning, Socialization and Resilience in Online Gaming. Frontiers: A Journal of Women Studies, 39(1), pp. 112-148. doi:10.5250/fronjwomestud.39.1.0112
Starks, S. L. (2023, August 22). Black Girl Gamers Band Together Against 2023’s Final Boss: Loneliness. Retrieved from allure: https://www.allure.com/story/black-girl-gaming-groups-loneliness?utm_source=chatgpt.com
United States Census Bureau. (2024). QuickFacts: United States. Retrieved from United States Census Bureau: https://www.census.gov/quickfacts/fact/table/US/RHI225223#RHI225223
Thank you to our GeekGirlCon intern, high school student Sumaya for the following blog post: More Geek Spaces? By Sumaya
Having geek spaces are very important because they provide a close and welcoming environment for people who share the same interests and hobbies. These spaces can help create creativity, collaborations and sense of belonging. They allow people to connect with others who have the same passions, which could be very valuable for those who might feel like a black sheep or isolated in social settings. On top of that, geek spaces often encourage learning and innovation, which can lead to new ideas and friendships.
Not only do geek spaces create a close and welcoming environment, they’re also known for their inclusive atmosphere, where diversity, backgrounds, and identities are celebrated and embraced with a warm welcome. These open spaces welcome everyone, regardless of their level of expertise or specific niche interest, creating an ocean of ideas and perspectives. This inclusivity holds a culture of acceptance and mutual respect, allowing individuals to feel loved and supported. By destroying barriers and encouraging open-mindedness, geek spaces not only enrich the experiences of each and every member but also contribute to a more diverse, welcoming, and dynamic community.
Geek spaces offer amazing opportunities for learning, making them valuable center points for personal and professional growth. These environments are overflowing with scholarly and well educated individuals who are eager to share their expertise in areas like gaming, science fiction, technology, and more. Discussions, Workshops, and collaborative projects are not uncommon, supplying hands-on experiences that increase learning. Doesn’t matter if you’re a beginner looking to be interested in a new hobby or an expert aiming to increase your skill and knowledge, geek spaces provide the community support and resources needed to create continuous learning experiences and development.
Geek spaces play a critical role in community building with individuals with shared passions and interests coming together. These spaces produce a sense of belonging, where members can connect over common hobbies and experiences. By engaging in group events, discussions, and activities, individuals create strong friendships and bonds that reach out beyond the geek space itself. This feeling of community holds mutual support, collaboration, and a welcoming environment where everyone feels valuable and embraced. In essence, geek spaces help to sew a tightly knit community where individuals can blossom both collectively and personally.
Gamers Engaged 2023 gaming charity event at Mox Boarding House in Bellevue.
In conclusion, Geek spaces are amazing for their inclusive atmosphere, creating a welcoming environment where diversity in interest and identities is celebrated. These spaces foster a home for acceptance and mutual respect, enhancing the community with many different perspectives. The community also provides ample learning opportunities, with discussions, workshops, and collaborative projects that magnify skills and knowledge across various fields. Whether you’re a newcomer or a specialist, geek spaces support continuous professional and personal growth. Additionally, these spaces are the heart for community building, creating friendships and strong bonds through shared activities and passions. By connecting common hobbies to individuals, geek spaces cultivate a sense of belonging and support, making sure everyone feels valued. Geek spaces are dynamic portals that encourage inclusivity, community, and learning, making these spaces essential for fostering a vibrant and engaged group of individuals.
Thank you to our GeekGirlCon intern, high school student Halleluia for the following blog post:
We always hear stories about the athlete or the musician highlighting the defining moments in their lives that shaped their journeys and who they are. Today I will be interviewing someone who proudly identifies as a geek: my cousin, Helina Yohannes. We will be learning more about her geeky interests, what makes her consider herself a geek, what she thinks of the word geek, how it has changed over the years, some advice she has for today’s geeks and her younger self, and how embracing her geeky passions has influenced her life for the better.
What do You Geek Out About?
“Cars. I have always liked how they looked and have been interested in how they are built and how they work and how they are each programmed differently,” Helina says. “It was the one thing that brought me and my dad together when I was a kid. Something we could bond over. He actually taught me everything I knew about cars, which led to a deep love for them and how they are programmed,” She continues with a smile on her face. “I also geek out about music. I always found it to be interesting how different melodies, chord progressions, and production can make you feel a plethora of emotions. It is just so interesting how much of a moving experience it is.” Helina enjoys a lot of different genres of music and can tell you who produced a song based off of the melody alone. “I think it is so amazing how music can bring so many different people together and connect with one another. I love how you can always feel seen and understood and it is such a great tool to express yourself.”
This is a Porsche 911, one of Helina’s favorite cars. She says if she could she would definitely want this car to be her first one she buys by herself.
In What Ways Do You Consider Yourself a Geek?
“I tend to take interest in the randomest things. For example, music! I have a different attachment to it, like I internalize it a lot more than other people do and I tend to dive into the production and the lyrics. I feel like I get more excited about these things more than a regular music listener would.” Her love of music and music production led her to spend a lot of her free time producing music. She gets inspiration from artists like Adele and Charlie Puth.
This is the Weeknd, Helina’s favorite artist. He is also another artist she gets inspiration from all the time.
How Do You Define “Geek”?
“To me, I would define a ‘geek’ as someone who is very passionate about a certain topic or subject. Someone who could completely dive into a topic, try to collect all the knowledge they can, and be able to talk about it for hours. We are enthusiasts about our certain area of focus,” Helina explains.
How Do You Think The Term “Geek” Has Changed Over the Years?
“ I feel like at some point as the internet and social media grew and became more and more of a thing, the word geek was used as a more derogatory term against people that were interested in some things that not many people were into,” Yohannes thinks. “And, since it was the norm to be the same as everyone else, everyone that was different was made fun of for being that way. So, the word geek, instead of just describing people who have particular interests and are very passionate about them, was used to alienate those same people who are eager to talk about their interests. But, now as we evolve and grow into a more conscious society, the word geek is slowly finding its way back to the meaning it was meant to have and has become more of a compliment than an insult like it was before,” Helina says she is proud to be considered a geek though and is glad that the word has been brought back to its original meaning.
Do You Have Any Advice For Today’s Geeks?
“I think my only advice for today’s geeks would be there is nothing to be ashamed about when being called a geek, or geeking out about certain interests of yours like cars, music, art history etc. Be who you are because it’ll also help others be who they really are too,” Helina advises.
If You Could Give Your Younger Self Any Advice, What Would It Be?
“I think I would say the same thing I said for today’s geeks, to own it and own who you are. Growing up I felt like I was ashamed of my interests and would hide it from others for the longest time because I just didn’t think they were cool. So, I would tell my younger self to just own it. Believe it or not those interests make you more interesting than everyone else and that ended up being the reason a lot of people wanted to be your friend.”
How Has Embracing Your Geeky Passions Influenced You and Your Major?
“Being able to embrace my passions for cars and how they work and music and how it is produced led me to want to major in computer science in college,” Helina gushes about what she chose as her major. “ Once I was able to finally be true to myself and attend clubs like Robotics, I felt like I was closer to finding what I truly wanted to do in college. Taking my first computer engineering class made me realize I found something that I would truly enjoy doing for the rest of my career.”
Robotics is a club that Helina joined later on in high school. Her robotics club was one of the reasons she realized she enjoyed computer science.
Overall
Helina had a lot to say when it came to being a geek, her opinions on the word, and how being a geek helped shape who she has become. But, overall we really got to hear how proud she is to be considered a geek and how grateful she is to finally be true to herself and her geeky passions. Without those passions and without her confidence in those passions, she wouldn’t have met and bonded with the people she knows today and she wouldn’t have found her true passion that she will be pursuing for the rest of her life. Thank you Helina!
GeekGirlCon is super excited to welcome some Seattle area high school students as they lend us their creativity, passion, and energy through their 6-week internship with GeekGirlCon. Each amazing GGC intern has written a blog post on the geeky topic of their choosing to be published on the GeekGirlCon blog!
Intern Yarinet chose to write a tv review of one of her favorite tv shows: Gilmore Girls! Here is what she has to say about it:
We are all a geek at heart, whether it be about a book, podcast, movie, or tv show. I am a geek for the tv show Gilmore Girls. I love talking about the main character, Rory Gilmore, and her development throughout the series; how many of the other characters in the show influence her in both negative and positive ways. An example can be found in the 6th season of the show. Rory had previously dropped out of Yale University, and it was not until she encountered Jess, and his famous “Why Did You Drop Out of Yale” Speech, (that all us Gilmore Geeks know my heart,) that motivates Rory to return to Yale.
I also love having debates with my friends on who the best boyfriend for Rory was, in my opinion, it was Dean. Dean was a very kind and caring boyfriend; he read Rory’s favorite books, movies, and shows. Dean put himself in uncomfortable situations, to be with Rory and see her happy. DEAN BUILT RORY A CAR, A CAR!! Dean was amazing in the first season, an amazing first boyfriend. After season one, his character started to change, and not for the better… The writers really ruined his character. But overall, in my opinion… Season 1 Dean was superior, and an amazing first boyfriend.
But what I love the most about Gilmore Girls is how it sets a role model to many girls to follow the steps of Rory Gilmore; a hardworking and studious girl, always setting goals for herself, and doing her best to strive in school, allowing her to succeed greatly academically, leading to her acceptance to Princeton, Yale, and Harvard.
Gilmore Girls is an amazing tv show. Having amazing and funny characters, such as Michel and his amazing sassy attitude. Sookie, a great chef, and her nice and caring ways toward everybody. Luke, another amazing character, who’s grumpy, but whose caring attitude could make anyone laugh. Lane, an amazing drum player, with great taste in music. Emily Gilmore, who wouldn’t love a baddie like her?! And of course, Lorelai Gilmore, Rory’s mom, with her amazing taste in fashion! And how could I forget the iconic Kirk?! Too many awesome characters in this show that could be discussed, all with different stories to follow.
And, of course, like many shows, Gilmore Girls has its ups and downs. One thing I strongly dislike is the relationship between Lorelai and her mom, Emily. Their relationship could be described as a love and hate one. Because of their strong, and different points of view, they always clash. At times they wouldn’t even talk to one another. It isn’t until big moments in the show, like Richard’s (Lorelai’s father) heart attack, that they come to understand each other, and have sympathy for one another. But stuff like this, the “negatives” of shows is what teaches us, the audience, what to avoid, and what to expect, when talking to certain people, and making certain decisions. Overall, Gilmore Girls is a great show, a 10 out of 10, I would definitely recommend!
I didn’t self-identify as a geek for a very long time. As a child, I loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles from the 80s, but that wasn’t particularly geeky, because all kids my age liked the Turtles. In a third grade spelling test we were told to spell the longest word we knew, and I managed to get out “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”, not because I was an academic overachiever, but because I thought that Mary Poppins was an awesome movie. I liked reading, but I was much more drawn to writers like Roald Dahl and, later, Jeffrey Archer and Michael Crichton, than Terry Pratchett or Neil Gaiman. I didn’t even touch a Marvel or DC comic until I was about 20.
But the reason I’m writing about my unassumed geekiness is because I was once presented with the question, “but what kind of geek are you?” and I was speechless. That question left me stumped for days. How on earth do you answer something like that? I’ve had geeky interests my whole life, but they just haven’t presented themselves to me as geeky per se. I just thought that they were interests that everyone had. Everyone likes Ninja Turtles, right? Everyone wants to be a superhero, right? Wouldn’t that make everyone a geek?
I never realized exactly when I was a geek, but that’s like a tree trying to figure out what a city is. Old, bearded, freaky, geezer geek. Ample, scruffy, multi-media maven, publicizing new underground music and culturally provocative books and weird cool movies from my deep nerd-pit of pop culture obsession. When I interview bands for fanzines, I do it here: a one-bedroom piled-high apartment where it seems like Octavia Butler could hang out with Nardwuar and Elvira. Musicians always give better responses when they know how deep my crates go. If you can’t bond with someone over the ideas, characters, sounds, and images that give electric meaning to our lives, you’re not trying or they’re not really in the game.
My little brother representing the Minnesota Twins while I geek out as Raphael the Turtle.
One of my clearest childhood memories says so much about me as a person, it boggles my mind to this day. My cousin Nick and I were playing at our grandmother’s house and discussing kindergarten, which we had both recently started attending. He boasted, “You know, I have a girlfriend now. Her name’s Sarah.”
Ever overly competitive, I shrugged. “Yeah? Well, I have a boyfriend.”
Nick was instantly skeptical, seeing right through the lie. “Yeah, right!”
“I do!”
“Really, then what’s his name?” he snapped.
I hesitated for a split second, then practically yelled the name of my very first crush of all time. “Raphael!”
Needless to say, Nick was soon telling all of our relatives about my belief that I was dating a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
Through the rest of my childhood, my geeky interests (and lack of a real, live boyfriend) continued. I loved playing The Pagemaster on my Gameboy, built entire Lego towns with my brother, and totally wanted to be Demona from the cartoon show Gargoyles.
It wasn’t until high school, though, that I realized what I was and am: a big ol’ geek girl. Rather than picking up romance novels like my older sisters did, I was content to curl up with Archie comics. Each year I took as many writing classes as possible, and wrote papers on things like lava lamps and the history of Goosebumps books. To top things off, every summer my friend Amanda and I would dress up like pirates and bury toy-filled treasure chests around town for children to find. No joke. We were cosplaying it up without even knowing the term.
From “dork” and “nerd” to “weirdo” and “geek,” I was called ‘em all by both my classmates and my closest friends. And I accepted them with smiles! Even if I’d denied my geekiness, my Batman shirts and wire-framed glasses showed the truth.
I was just always trying to have fun, and this often led to activities that are now considered hipster and cool: thrift store shopping, crocheting, rollerblading, being obsessed with my family’s cats. Nerd is the new black these days, of course, but living without at-home internet access in a town of three thousand people, I had no inkling of the impending geek-chic explosion.
Lifelong crush: Even as an adult, Raphael’s my dream “man.”
Since moving to Seattle a couple years ago, I’ve made a home-away-from-home at Shorty’s, a local pinball bar. Its circus theme, retro arcade games, and spicy nachos are always rad, but that’s not what draws me there every week. The regulars are a variety of tattoo-showing, superhero shirt-wearing, art-creating, punk music-listening geeks, much like me. I feel as if Shorty’s—and even Seattle at large—is the place where formerly outcast nerds congregate for fun and to feed off each other. If I could go back in time, I’d tell my adolescent self to hang in there because there’s a place out there that’s awkward and poetry-filled and amped up about dorky things, too.
Between the wonderful dweebs in my life, the adulthood acceptance I’ve found, and GeekGirlCon’s encouragement, I have never been happier to be a geek!
I admit it: I am one. I have been once since sixth grade. I will be one until I die.
That’s me on the top right!
Band geek certainly wasn’t my first label growing up. It’s definitely not going to be my last. But it’s certainly the one I’m most proud of.
I started playing piano in fifth grade and then flute in sixth grade. Taking lessons from the public school music teacher meant I was automatically in the band, and my first concert was the holiday concert that year. The grammar school band led to the junior high band, which led to the high school band, which led directly into the college band. Along the way, I made some incredible friends—friends who liked me for exactly who I was. We were tall and short, thin and overweight, and (as we know now!) gay and straight. We did really fun, daring things like listening to REM and They Might Be Giants on the bus all the way to Florida from Wisconsin for a bowl game. We also gathered at each other’s houses to play Trivial Pursuit and then piled into a couple of cars and headed to Denny’s.
My high school memories revolve around these friends and the ridiculousness we loved in each other. Many of us are still in touch, thanks to Facebook. I have a reunion coming up this year, and these are the friends I will want to hang around with.
Smurfette is the shorter one, Sassy is the one without her hat on.
Band in college was a completely different animal from the innocent junior high and high school band days. I learned to play the cymbals, drink beer, and do just enough work to get fair grades in my classes. Along that road, I made two of the best friends I’ve ever had. I call them Sassy and Smurfette.
They’re both married with children now; Sassy is with her family in Wisconsin, while Smurfette and her family are currently on assignment for a couple of years with her husband in Poland. I miss them all very much, but we keep in touch via Facebook and texting, along with phone calls and the occasional silly present in the mail. We also get together for alumni band reunions, which gives us the opportunity to geek out about those band days all over again.
Last year’s alumni band reunion, Wando’s Bar, Madison, WI
Being a geek can have so many sources in your life; if you played Dungeons and Dragons growing up, you have that. If you hung out at comic book stores with your friends waiting for the release of the new Spiderman, you have that. If you listened to awesome music with your parents or an older sibling, you will always have those memories, as well as a solid foundation to win all those music categories in your local pub quiz.
The best thing about being a geek these days—whether you’re a music geek, a Magic geek, a Potterhead, a Twilight junkie, a motorhead, a John Hughes movie buff, a knifemaker, a writer, or anything else—is that geeks aren’t ostracized nearly as much when we become adults. All-around geeks like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs have paved the way for us to come out of our Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles half-shells and into the bright, wide world. I think it’s because we learn to recognize each other and group together in places like GeekGirlCon; we build our chosen families from those who understand us, even if we don’t necessarily geek out about the same stuff.
The world seems to be quite a dangerous place, in general. Finding our geeks helps us to find the safety we’re looking for, and the comfort of a place to belong. Even if it means you’re one of over three hundred people on a football field for a half-time show.
I’m a huge reader; I read the classic Nancy Drew mysteries before I got to first grade, and proceeded to plow my way through the children’s public library at breakneck speed.
Photo from Wikipedia
My best friend, Andrea, came to school one morning when we were in seventh grade, reading a Star Trek book: Uhura’s Song by Janet Kagan.
Andrea told me how great it was, and she loaned it to me as soon as she was finished. I decided to give it a shot. I loved it completely; it’s still one of my favorite books.
Star Trek: The Next Generation started on television that same year. Within the first few minutes of the pilot episode, I was completely hooked.
Photo from Wikipedia
Andrea and I started going to Star Trek conventions around Milwaukee (where we lived) and Chicago (a far off city of wonder and very tall buildings). Our first convention was at the old Red Carpet Hotel across from the airport in Milwaukee, where we met Walter Koenig – the legendary Pavel Andreivitch Chekov from the original Star Trek series. I smiled like an idiot when I met him (back when autographs and pictures were still free!) and Andrea later told me she had no idea what I said to him; she literally could not understand the words coming out of my mouth. *sigh*
This pattern continued as we met much of the original Star Trek cast, as well as some of The Next Generation cast: I smiled like an idiot and the star managed to get me to spell my name so they could sign the book or picture I thrust in front of them. James Doohan, Scotty on the original series, actually signed my copy of Uhura’s Song, telling me as he did so that my name was spelled correctly – Sarah – because that’s how his grandmother spelled her name. I nearly swooned.
Photo from Wikipedia
The one person I wanted to see most, Patrick Stewart, never came to Milwaukee or Chicago. He went to a con in Michigan every November, but it was always the same weekend that I had a standing commitment throughout high school, so I never got to meet him.
Andrea and I went to Star Trek conventions together through our freshman year of college, and then we sort of stopped; she went to college in Illinois and I was in Wisconsin, a good six hours from her. I did go to one last convention in Madison, Wisconsin, with a boyfriend, but it just wasn’t the same.
Happy 2013, everyone! While the New Year is here and the holiday season winds down, take a look at these geektastic events in January!
Saturday, January 5:The Doubleclicks & Molly Lewis in Seattle! Geek girl music at its finest! From the Facebook event page: “There’s no cover charge, but we do the indie “suggested donation” thing – so if you can afford it, please support the tour with a donation of $5 or $10 – or maybe buy a CD or a poster!”
Saturday, January 12:Seattle Elvis Invitationals at the EMP Museum From the Facebook event page: “The 16th annual search for Seattle’s best amateur Elvis Impersonator. **Buy tickets in advance, this event sells out every year!** 21 and over with ID required.”
Friday, January 18-Sunday, January 20:RustyCon From the website: “Rustycon has a focus on literature, science, art, costumes, and gaming. After dark, many fen can be found enjoying the various parties and night time events. Join us as we explore the alternate worlds of the human imagination.”
Saturday, January 19:Vox Fabuli Beginning Puppetry Class From the press release: “In this fun, dynamic class, you’ll learn the foundations of good stage puppetry – focus, physical commitment and basic puppet operation. We’ll focus on how to make your puppet seem alive and connect with the audience. You’ll get lots of hands-on time with professional arm-and-rod puppets plus a simple practice puppet to take home so you can keep working on your skills. No puppet experience required, class recommended for ages 15 and up, and class size limited to 16.”
Saturday, January 13: Science Fiction and Fantasy Short Film Festival From the webpage: “EMP in partnership with SIFF will present the eighth annual Science Fiction and Fantasy Short Film Festival on January 19, 2013 at the Seattle Cinerama Theater. The festival brings together industry professionals in filmmaking and the genres of science fiction and fantasy to encourage and support new, creative additions to science fiction and fantasy cinema arts. The festival will showcase animated and live-action in science fiction and fantasy films.”
Monday, January 21:Nerd Nite – Gotta catch a ball! From the Facebook event page: “Eat your heart out, nerds! This month we’ve got Pokémon… we’ve got board games… and as always, we have fabulous new, nerdy friends and ample amounts of beer!”
Wednesday, January 23:Central Cinema’s TV Dinner featuring GeekGirlCon presents “Red Sonja” From the invite: “Whether your introduction to Red Sonja was from her debut in a short story in 1934, her first appearance in Marvel’s Conan the Barbarian comic series in 1973, or her own feature film in 1985 (this one, in fact), you can relive the action of Red Sonja’s revenge on Queen Gedren. Enjoy snacks or a meal while attending a showing (or two) of Red Sonja.”
Friday, January 25-Monday, Jan 28:Central Cinema’s I Heart Sequels Series “Terminator 2: Judgement Day” presented by GeekGirlCon (on January 25) From the invite: “GeekGirlCon is introducing another event with Central Cinema during the month of sequels: Terminator 2: Judgment Day! Many consider this film to be even better than the original Terminator; come on down and judge for yourself. Marvel yet again at the size and definition of Linda Hamilton’s biceps, and enjoy the terror of the liquid, shape-shifting T-1000 played by Robert Patrick.”
Friday, January 25:An Evening at Merlotte’s Burlesque Show From the Facebook event page: “You are cordially invited to a special night of music, burlesque, and vampires with the citizens of Bon Temps! Join us for one of two shows, either at 7 p.m. or 10 p.m. on January 25 at the Highway 99 Blues Club for a celebration of all things True Blood.”
How are you going to celebrate the first month of 2013, readers?
